i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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