How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
