I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
