But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
