just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
