i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
