i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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