hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
