So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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