Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
