I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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