The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
