tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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