the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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