So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
