so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
