Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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