get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
