It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
