I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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