I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
