i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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