I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We left the knife in your bed.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
