This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
