Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
