I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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