Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
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