do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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