her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
