Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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