I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
