Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
