Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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