So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i think im in europe. pls send help
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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