Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
