who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
