I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
