I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
