Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
