So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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