If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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