I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
