I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just want nice things and good sex
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
