I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
