As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
