Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
