btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
