The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
