Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
