we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
